take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
