Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
