you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
