he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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