He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
