It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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