Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We're facebook friends in real life
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
