I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
