As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
