Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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