OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
