Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
