Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
