Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize