So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
