you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
