i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
