You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize