Please, let me fuck your mom
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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