I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
