i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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