Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i barfeds in our rink
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
