i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
