Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
