hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
