You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
