There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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