Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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