My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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