Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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