We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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