Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
