I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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