you mean i was at the winter classic?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
