im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
