you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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