I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
