our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
