Whats the glycemic index on semen?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
