I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
