the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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