Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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