Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
