Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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