Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
