I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
