Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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