I got chris browned last night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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