omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize