I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
