Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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