You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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