The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
