Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have post one night stand depression
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize