so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
