Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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