Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
