Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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