sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
