My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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