Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
