Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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