...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
