Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize