hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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