Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
