I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize