dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You made out with two different species that night
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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