she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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