What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
