PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
