My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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