as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
